Feeding children can often feel like navigating a minefield, especially when faced with selective eaters. Worldwide grapple with the challenge of ensuring their children consume a balanced diet while respecting their food preferences. However, fear not! With a bit of creativity, patience, and understanding, you can transform mealtime into a positive experience for both you and your selective eater.
Selective eating is a common phase of childhood development, often emerging around the age of two and potentially lasting until adolescence. Children may exhibit selective eating behaviors due to various factors, including sensory sensitivity, control issues, or simply a dislike for certain textures or flavors. It’s essential to distinguish between typical selective eating and other sensory feeding issues, seeking professional guidance if necessary. A good eater is a competent eater, this is a child who eats as little or as much as they need at each meal or snack.
Division of Responsibility
To begin, it’s important to understand the division of responsibility in feeding, often referred to as the “Division of Responsibility” (DoR) model. This is a framework developed by registered dietitian Ellyn Satter to promote healthy eating habits and positive mealtime dynamics in children. This model outlines clear roles for both parents/caregivers and children during mealtime, helping to establish a structured yet nurturing environment for feeding. Within this framework, everyone has roles. It is the parent/ caregiver role to organize WHAT foods are served, WHEN they are served and WHERE they are served. It is the child’s role to choose HOW much they eat and IF they eat. When we know our roles at meal times, we reduce stress, frustration and anxiety.
Since it is the caregivers role to choose WHAT foods to serve at meals and snacks, it is important to plan meals with BOTH familiar foods and new foods. We want to set our children up for success, so always provide them with something that you know they will be able to enjoy.
Evidence tells us that when adults try to control or regulate what a child eats, they are more likely to end up with weight, body image and eating related problems.
Avoid PRESSURE or PRAISE
Pressure that can difficult to detect. Be a pressure detective and ask yourself if you are trying to increase or decrease your child’s intakes with your actions or words. Pressure can look like shaming, rewarding or reminding. Evidence tells us that when parents try to control how much a child eats, the opposite effect is likely to happen. Remember, you are not in charge of IF or HOW much.
Avoid common feeding traps!
Playing games to get your child to eat
Asking WHAT they want to eat (this is your role)
Leaving out dishes of food for them to access
Using food to calm down emotions
Short order cooking
Only providing foods that you know they will accept
Lead by example
Remember to lead by example. Children are keen observers, so model healthy eating habits yourself. Enjoy a diverse range of foods and demonstrate an adventurous palate, encouraging your child to follow suit. In addition, if you do not allow devices at the table, then that includes you also! Follow your own rules.
Create a positive mealtime environment – and eat together whenever possible!
Make mealtimes enjoyable by fostering a relaxed atmosphere free from pressure or praise. Engage in pleasant conversation, play soothing music, or involve your child in meal preparation to cultivate a positive association with food. You do not need to talk about the food you are eating, chat about your day. Eating together as often as possible has been shown to improve intakes.
Stick to the plan.
Be consistent. Offer three meals and three snacks daily, at set times. This way if your child does not eat well at their meal, you know that a snack will be coming. Also remember, a child should come to the dinner table hungry, so minimize snacks for 1.5-2hours before meal times. We want our kids to be motivated to eat and try new foods.
Selective eating can feel challenging. If you know by Friday your children will be exhausted then you may want to have a pizza night! Remember YOU are in charge of WHAT, WHERE and WHEN. So plan ahead for more challenging days.
Final notes…
Selective eaters can feel challenging. But, if you follow the Division of Responsibility then you are on the right track!
Finally, always remember to seek support from a registered dietitian in order to better support your kids with sensory issues that may be related to ADD, ADHD or ASD. Additionally, if you feel your child may be restricting or have an eating disorder please seek immediate support. Feel free to contact me, as I am happy to help!
Need more support? Email Nicole Byrom here!
